Unfinished Business is a new series that I’ve just recently came up with because I have so many journal/essay entries that I’ve started, but have yet to finish. There is something so intriguing about unfinished artwork. Some of Pablo Picasso’s best pieces were his unfinished paintings. It shows the realism of the art and allows. So here is my first unfinished entry the audience to interpret their own endings. I hope you all enjoy! Please feel free to comment or give me some writing advice.
Today I’ve been struggling with a lot of emotions. I don’t know if its due to birth control side effects or if they’re actually legit. I’m just tired of being alone. I’m tired of not feeling special. I’m tired of not having someone. Someone to sing 90’s r&b with on a warm summer night. Someone to have a three hour conversation with in my car. Someone to tell me I’m beautiful on my crappiest looking day.
Someone to have magnetic chemistry with. Someone to just do life with. I also feel like this craving has gone on for too long. I still fault myself for being so insecure, so scared and so timid to express my feelings to my high school crush. At least then I would’ve learned or experienced something.
Instead of waiting around for him and being left with a bunch of “what ifs.” I blamed everything on my weight and I always shot myself down before I even attempted to shoot my shot. “He’s not into girls that look like you, don’t even try it.” This wasn’t just for my high school crush, it was for every guy I thought was cute or saw some sort of potential in.
And I realize I wasted so many years of my life hating the way my body looked. I literally was standing in my own way. Letting something so shallow, like body image control my life and hold me back from my full potential. There’s so many things I could’ve did, so many people I could’ve had a future with that I just let slip away because of those two dreadful words “I’m fat.”